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Something Lost Nothing Gained by ~inahole:iconinahole:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Fixed




Born into life so innocent and pure
But innocence is lost as you mature
The harshness of life you start to realise
As you grow so do the lies

With passing years you learn many times
You can pay the price for other peoples crimes
It's better to have loved than to have hated
But as you mature love seems overratted

You may be older but your still confused
You're just some fresh fruit thats been bruised
You''re presumed to be ready but your really unstable
You're whole life seems built around myth and fable

Born into a journey towards the grave
The time in between you spend trying to save
Your sanity which as you mature is so fragile
Overtime you started to frown more than smile
©2006-2010 ~inahole
:iconinahole:

Author's Comments

Well this one I just wrote today between breaks etc. at work. I started trying to write one about getting older etc. but didn't really work out. Eventually I just began writing. so i'm not even sure what this one is truly about but i'll say that it's about getting older and losing youth's innocence

Comments


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:iconlilpink:
~lilpink Jul 11, 2006, 3:43:18 PM
i could read your poems alllllll day long!! this is one of my faves !

--
:heart: :strip: :heart:
:iconyojfull:
~Yojfull Jul 11, 2006, 4:25:25 PM
I'm sorry to be the grammar police, but when it occurs mutiple times in the same stanza, I can't believe it's just a typo:
"You may be older but your still confused
Your just some fresh fruit thats been bruised
Your presumed to be ready but your really unstable"

All 4 uses of "your" are should be you're, as in you are.

Also, generally, the use of punctuation would really enhance the readers ability to pick up on the flow and rhythm of the poem. I really like the diction, and the rough structure, but a little bit of polish would make a huge difference.

--
The stars foretell
A happy life full of love,
And great opportunities
The stars are full of shit.
:iconsagacious:
~Sagacious Jul 11, 2006, 5:43:22 PM
its has a really nice flow to it, but it breaks with
"The time in between you spend trying to save
Your sanity which as you mature is so fragile
Overtime you started to frown more than smile"
good poem though :)

--
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:iconstrandedfighter:
~StrandedFighter Jul 12, 2006, 12:31:50 AM
it's just great.I tried to find a fav line to which I could relate but then I realized I'd have to fav every line :) brilliant!

--
"And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am!"-Goo Goo Dolls

"Underneath the ink of my tattoo
I've tried to hide my scars from you"-P!nk
:iconathena500:
~Athena500 Jul 13, 2006, 11:01:22 AM
Despite the calls for a better flow, I actually quite like how there is a break between the lines,
"The time in between you spend trying to save
Your sanity which as you mature is so fragile"

I say this because I feel it gives two meanings. First the reader (or at least myself!) understand that you are trying to save time, and then it seems you are trying to save your sanity!!!

(I may have misunderstood the placement of the break others have spoken of!)

--
"You're so afraid of what people might say
But that's okay cuz you're only human"
:iconnightgazer27913:
~Nightgazer27913 Jul 16, 2006, 9:23:39 AM
if i, myself, got lost in your poems it woundn't be bad at all ....i love this poem!

--
Here's to falling asleep miles apart
and never being alone
Here's to drinking in the moment
and learning to stand or fall on your own.
:icontribalinstinct:
~TribalInstinct Jul 26, 2006, 3:50:34 PM
Not bad, but not quite enough imagery just words that are cynical, needs more passion, but on the whole, it didn't suck.
:iconradioactivesluglover:
~radioactivesluglover Aug 18, 2006, 4:37:21 PM
Some wordings are questionable, but overall a great piece, capturing the idea of growing older well.

--
I think my chocolate-cheese broke....it's melting...it's dripping...ooh, uh...
:iconseptdeneuf:
~Septdeneuf Jan 4, 2007, 12:54:22 PM
I like it. It seems a little unpolished at some places though. At some places it flows really well at others not so much.

Still, nice poem with interesting content.
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July 11, 2006
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